Crop Circles ~ An Elaborate Hoax?

Hot Horseradish

A minister who was very fond of pure, hot horseradish always kept a bottle of it on his dining room table. Once, at dinner, he offered some to a guest, who took a big spoonful.The guest let out a huge gasp. When he was finally able to speak, he choked out, "I've heard many ministers preach hellfire, but you are the first one I've met who passes out a sample of it."

The Amish and the Elevator

An Amish boy and his parents were visiting a mall. While the mother looked for cotton fabric for a new apron, the father and son stood around, amazed by almost everything they saw. They were especially amazed by two, shiny silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.

The boy asked, "What is that, father?"

The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life. I don't know what it is."

"Could it be a time machine?" asked the boy. “I heard about this movie picture show where people leave the earth in shiny vehicles.”

"Praise the Lord", said the father. "There sure are miraculous things in the city."

While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, an old lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled
between them into a small room. The walls closed, and the boy and his father watched the small circular numbers above the walls light up. They continued to watch until the last number was reached, and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order.

Finally, the walls opened again and a gorgeous 24-year-old woman stepped out. The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son, "Go get your mother."

Imagination

Some people have an incredible imagination.

While others have way too much time on their hands..

A friend sent me the pics below in an email. I don't know where they came from but some of them are hilarious. I numbered them where you can make up your own captions and put them in the comments. I will comment back with some of my captions later. Have Fun! I did the first one. I had a hard time with it, maybe I'll do better on some of the others. Let your imaginations soar!

1 You call that a knife? This is a knife.

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My 50th Birthday Party

Here are some pics from my birthday party. We had a great time! My sister did all of the planning and decorating and my mom served a delicious meal. It was an uplifting party and I really do appreciate all of the effort they put into it. The first pic is me and my nephew enjoying the treats we found in our goodie bags. Yes, we had goodie bags made by my sister. Even the balloons had my name on them.

Here are a couple of pics of my son and daughter.

Aww, they love each other.

Below is a pic of my son with his girlfriend.

Next we see my dad relaxing after a Fantabulous meal.

Once dinner was over it was time for the festivities.
We started by playing Pin the Tail on the Donkey.
Here I am running away before the donkey gets me for sticking him in the ribs.

My niece missed the donkey all together. At least she got it on the paper.

My daughter didn't fair much better.

I guess my son didn't want to make his sister feel bad cuz he missed it too.

My mother did a little better.

And so did my dad.

My sister missed it too which obviously her daughter thought was hilarious.

But the winner was my nephew who hit the right spot.
It's nice to see the youngest of the clan win.

Next we moved on to decorating balloons.
I just couldn't make up my mind on how to decorate mine.

My mother sure had a good time.

Everyone looks so serious trying to make the perfect face.

As you can see we had lots of stuff to choose from.

My brother's eldest son is holding him back from taking my balloon.

My niece's turned out beautiful.

From left to right My daughter, my brother's youngest and my sister's oldest.
They did a great job!

And here's my creation. Do you think it looks like me?

Don't you love the third eye. It matches my hair going all a mess.

And here's the fab trio. My son is the one in the middle between his cousins.

Then it was time for CAKE!
They used the number candles because there was not a Fire Marshall available
and they didn't want the cake to melt.

Hoping my wish comes true.

Wait, don't take it away.
I started not to post this pic because of my belly but then
I noticed how it is no longer covering my thigh completely
and I felt good about the 150 pounds I have lost thus far.

Then finally I opened my presents and cards.
I am very thankful for the gifts I received.

You can't really see it but the buttons I was wearing had flashing lights.

I loved this one! It was a megaphone which read:

Over the Hill

*Easy to use
*Zero maintenance

*No Batteries Required

Never Fail

Hearing

Enhancer

Super-Duper

Acoustic

Booster

We all had a Fantabulous time!

How Old Is Grandpa?

Stay with this -- the answer is at the end. It will blow you away.

One evening a grandson was talking to his grandfather about current events. The grandson asked his grandfather what he thought about the shootings at schools, the computer age, and just things in general..

The Grandfather replied, "Well, let me think a minute, I was born before:

' television
' penicillin
' polio shots
' frozen foods
' Xerox
' contact lenses
' Frisbees and
' the pill

There were no:

' credit cards
' laser beams or
' ball-point pens

Man had not invented:

' pantyhose
' air conditioners
' dishwashers
' clothes dryers
' and the clothes were hung out to dry in the fresh air and
' man hadn't yet walked on the moon

Your Grandmother and I got married first, .. ... ... and then lived together..

Every family had a father and a mother.

Until I was 25, I called every man older than me, "Sir".
And after I turned 25, I still called policemen and every
man with a title, "Sir."

We were before gay-rights, computer- dating, dual
careers, daycare centers, and group therapy.

Our lives were governed by the Ten Commandments,
good judgment, and common sense.

We were taught to know the difference between right
and wrong and to stand up and take responsibility for
our actions.

Serving your country was a privilege; living in this country was a bigger privilege..

We thought fast food was what people ate during Lent.

Having a meaningful relationship meant getting along
with your cousins.

Draft dodgers were those who closed front doors as the evening breeze started.

Time-sharing meant time the family spent together in the evenings and weekends-not purchasing condominiums.

We never heard of FM radios, tape decks, CDs, electric typewriters, yogurt, or guys wearing earrings.

We listened to Big Bands, Jack Benny, and the President's speeches on our radios.

And I don't ever remember any kid blowing his brains out listening to Tommy Dorsey.

If you saw anything with 'Made in Japan ' on it, it was junk

The term 'making out' referred to how you did on your school exam..

Pizza Hut, McDonald's, and instant coffee were unheard of.

We had 5 &10-cent stores where you could actually buy things for 5 and 10 cents.

Ice-cream cones, phone calls, rides on a streetcar, and a Pepsi were all a nickel.

And if you didn't want to splurge, you could spend your nickel on enough stamps to mail 1 letter and 2 postcards.

You could buy a new Chevy Coupe for $600, . .. . but who could afford one? Too bad, because gas was 11 cents a gallon.

In my day:

' "grass" was mowed,
' "coke" was a cold drink,
' "pot" was something your mother cooked in and
' "rock music" was your grandmother's lullaby.
' "Aids" were helpers in the Principal's office,
' " chip" meant a piece of wood,
' "hardware" was found in a hardware store and
' "software" wasn't even a word.

And we were the last generation to actually believe that a lady needed a husband to have a baby.

No wonder people call us "old and confused" and say there is a generation gap. and how old do you think I am?

I bet you have this old man in mind...you are in for a shock!

Read on to see -- pretty scary if you think about it and pretty sad at the same time.

Are you ready ?????

This man would be only 60 years old.

They Walk Among Us!

One day I was walking down the beach with
some friends when someone shouted.....
'Look at that dead bird!'
Someone looked up at the sky and said...'where?'

They walk among us!
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While looking at a house, my brother asked the
estate agent which direction was north because
he didn't want the sun waking him up every morning..
She asked, 'Does the sun rise in the north?'
My brother explained that the sun rises in the east
and has for sometime. She shook her head and said,
'Oh, I don't keep up with all that stuff.....'

They Walk Among Us!
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My colleague and I were eating our lunch in our cafeteria,
when we overheard an admin girl talking about the
sunburn she got on her weekend drive to the beach.
She drove down in a convertible, but said
she 'didn't think she'd get sunburned
because the car was moving'..

They Walk Among Us!
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I was hanging out with a friend when we saw a woman
with a nose ring attached to an earring by a chain.
My friend said, 'Ouch! The chain must rip
out every time she turns her head!"
I had to explain that a person's nose and ear
remain the same distance apart no
matter which way the head is turned...

They Walk Among Us !
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I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area and
went to the lost luggage office and reported the loss.
The woman there smiled and told me not to worry
because she was a trained professional and
said I was in good hands. 'Now,' she asked me,
'Has your plane arrived yet?'...
(I work with professionals like this.)

They Walk Among Us!